This letter of advice was given to me by my dad just before I was married back in 1997. My parents have been happily married for almost 40 years and they have been an inspiration to Ashley and I in our own marriage. These words of wisdom from him are like gold. I thought I'd share.
Andy, Your Dad’s Advice
Talk! Talk! Talk about every thing with Ashley and respect each others opinion, and use each others areas of expertise. Together you will be an unbeatable team!
Don’t ever complain about your wife to your friends about little or big things, it gives others the wrong impression about your marriage and relationship.
Money! Agree on how to spend it . Make a budget together so you are in total agreement about where your priorities are. Decide how much to spend without discussion.
Complaining! A little goes a long way. Don’t fall into the trap of making complaining a major topic of conversation. Don’t go to work some where for 8 hrs a day then spend the first hour together complaining about it. Be a positive person! Change what needs changing, fix what you can fix, understand the realities of a situation then, comment on it, learn to live with it, or take yourself out of the situation. Complaining is counter-productive.
If something bothers you about your wife, discuss it with her, that is, only IF it is something you can’t live with. Remember, you did not marry her to change her. You fell in love with here the way she is.
Have a real date at least once every other week. I mean something alone. People get too wrapped up in their groups and don’t make the time for each other. In most group activities you really are not getting much time together.
Keep the romance in your marriage! One minor part of that is giving each other a little privacy, for example, bathroom privacy. How romantic is it for your wife to see you go to the bathroom.
Kids will change everything. Get to know each other well first. One major change in your life at a time is enough, although not always possible. Kids will be fun, but much work. You really have to work a team with the kids, give each other a break for a few minutes each day. You will have to devote yourselves to your Kids, but don’t for get your date! You start out just the two of you and you will end up again that way, so keep your personal relationship alive and well while you go through the other parts of your life.
Don’t embarrass her in front of friends or family. This could be an embarrassing story that you could choose not to tell, or choosing to discreetly help her avoid a potentially embarrassing situation, even though it could seem funny on one level. Make the distinction between funny and embarrassing. It is an important one.
Always be the person, do the things and say the things, that Ashley can be proud of when she thinks of you.
Always be the one person Ashley can trust any situation and never do anything to shake that trust.
Don’t keep secrets! Don’t let some one tell you something that you can’t tell Ashley! Tell them, of course you don’t mean my wife.
You two will be as one against the world!
Love, Dad
Talk! Talk! Talk about every thing with Ashley and respect each others opinion, and use each others areas of expertise. Together you will be an unbeatable team!
Don’t ever complain about your wife to your friends about little or big things, it gives others the wrong impression about your marriage and relationship.
Money! Agree on how to spend it . Make a budget together so you are in total agreement about where your priorities are. Decide how much to spend without discussion.
Complaining! A little goes a long way. Don’t fall into the trap of making complaining a major topic of conversation. Don’t go to work some where for 8 hrs a day then spend the first hour together complaining about it. Be a positive person! Change what needs changing, fix what you can fix, understand the realities of a situation then, comment on it, learn to live with it, or take yourself out of the situation. Complaining is counter-productive.
If something bothers you about your wife, discuss it with her, that is, only IF it is something you can’t live with. Remember, you did not marry her to change her. You fell in love with here the way she is.
Have a real date at least once every other week. I mean something alone. People get too wrapped up in their groups and don’t make the time for each other. In most group activities you really are not getting much time together.
Keep the romance in your marriage! One minor part of that is giving each other a little privacy, for example, bathroom privacy. How romantic is it for your wife to see you go to the bathroom.
Kids will change everything. Get to know each other well first. One major change in your life at a time is enough, although not always possible. Kids will be fun, but much work. You really have to work a team with the kids, give each other a break for a few minutes each day. You will have to devote yourselves to your Kids, but don’t for get your date! You start out just the two of you and you will end up again that way, so keep your personal relationship alive and well while you go through the other parts of your life.
Don’t embarrass her in front of friends or family. This could be an embarrassing story that you could choose not to tell, or choosing to discreetly help her avoid a potentially embarrassing situation, even though it could seem funny on one level. Make the distinction between funny and embarrassing. It is an important one.
Always be the person, do the things and say the things, that Ashley can be proud of when she thinks of you.
Always be the one person Ashley can trust any situation and never do anything to shake that trust.
Don’t keep secrets! Don’t let some one tell you something that you can’t tell Ashley! Tell them, of course you don’t mean my wife.
You two will be as one against the world!
Love, Dad
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