The Older I Get

The older I get the less I seem to know. Am I growing dumber and dumber by the year? Wait, don't answer that. I prefer to think of it as growing in humility. I have a much greater awareness of myself and my flaws as my experience broadens. My personal burden is one of selfishness. In reality +90% of my day is spent thinking of myself, when will I eat next, did I make a good impression, were they laughing at me, get the picture?

Why am I telling you this? Well, here's the rub, in a marriage relationship selfishness is the great divider. We get prideful, hurt and even downright angry when we don't get what we think we deserve from our spouse. I have to continually ask myself "what do I really deserve?" Based on my own merit, I don't deserve the sacrifice Christ made for me, I don't deserve the magnificent wife He's blessed me with or my health and the list goes on and on. It boils down to a lack of TRUST. A lack of faith that my Heavenly Father knows what's best and will provide for my needs...and much more.

I am convinced that God is using my wife to shape me and mould me into the likeness of Christ. He does it in a way that's beyond my comprehension. He has given me more than I deserve, loved me without limit and blessed me with a wife that does the same. He is in the process of turning my heart away from myself and toward my wife. He is breaking me in the most loving way. The question is, how far will I let Him in. Will I keep God at bay in my marriage or allow Him to transform me from the inside out? Transform my relationships at home, work and with my kids. If I am willing to let God work through me in humility and grace it could change everything, could it not? My prayer is for God to instill in me an increased dependence on Him, one that will allow me to love and be loved in a way that will bring Him the most glory possible out of my small life.